Darling, who's been drawing trees in my notebook?

photo by unknown

As part of commemorating 200 years since the birth of Charles Darwin, the readers of New Scientist magazine were invited to imagine "Things you would never have heard Charles Darwin say about evolution."

I don't know about you, but I thought some of them were hilarious.

Especially as I recall that one year my dad bought 20 copies of The Origin of Species (naturally, they were on special), gift-wrapped each book beautifully, and sent them to our religious relatives.
Happy holidays! : )

From New Scientist, 7 March 2009, p. 56:

Finches, eh? Seen one, seen'em all!
Kris Halls

Nah, it's only a theory – I don't think it should be taught at schools.
Rob Buckland

The whole evolution thing was dictated to me by Chief Red Feather, my spirit guide.
David Ridge

Cor, when I publish this I'll be more popular than Jesus.
Gary Simmonds

And you promise me, God, they'll never know we organised this prank together?
Dave Baldock

To the captain of HMS Beagle, "What do you mean the bones of the Yeti, Bigfoot, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster got swept overboard?"
Dave Baldock

It all started with something Wallace said before he left for the East Indies.
David Leibniz

Actually I think I've had a better idea, it's all the result of something I'm calling "morphic resonance"
Penny Lynch

Dearest Samuel, I have dashed off a few lines which should court sufficient controversy to keep us in port and pies at the Club for quite some time – little point in making monkeys of us both by publishing The Unravelling of the DNA Helix just yet. Yours from the Beagle, Charles.
Iain Doubleday

FATTEST! I said "Survival of the fattest!"
Dave Andrews

Evolution: You wouldn't Adam and Eve it!
Joshua Azizollah

Damn, I drew it upside down!
Malcolm Muckle

Evolution? Well, children, I told your grandmother that I was just popping out to the pub, so when I returned five years later I had to come up with a whopper of a story. I just wished I'd picked something a bit more believable.
Alex Feakes

Hey Pope – 100,000,000 Lira or I publish the book.
John Robertson

During all these years of mental anguish and physical distress, how often have I looked back on my wasted youth spent wandering the heaths in search of beetles, and wished I'd paid more attention to all the watches I came across there.
John McKenzie

...On the 14,776,259,821st day God created another proto-giraffe with a longer neck than its predecessor, bestowing upon it the ability to reach higher leaves. On the 14,776,259, 822nd day He created a butterfly whose wing pattern looked more like a pair of predatory eyes. Then it was Sunday. On the 14,776,249,824th day …
Alex Johnson

Darling, who's been drawing trees in my notebook?
Matt Tucker